i’m not home

Grass unkempt, tall and tangledThe yard path damp and cracked
Walking across a yard so sodden and scarred
Makes it feel not at all familiar

Under the sun we used to play
Under the stars, awestruck, we lay
The smell of blossoms bathed the air
Now stench fills my lungs that I can’t bear

I knock softly at the peeling door
Although, knowingly, there’s not someone who’d answer
There’s not someone for whom I’m there
So I turn the sad cold knob with a shudder

The hall is all dark and unhappy
If possible, colder than it already is outside
With a glance memories pour, emotions unbind
Knees weak I take a step further..

Up the steps one, two, three
The old battered stairs sing creaks
My legs feel heavier, every step I take
I somehow feel my heart will break

Entering this old room I knew so well
I remember how sunlight used to dance
But now all that’s left is thick dust
Then I hear mama singing her song again

I look around to see nothing
It was nothing but nothing at all
They’ve all gone into none being
Away from me, away from everything

I went home to find tears
Instead of love that I lost long since
The thought dawned, how horrible it was
I went home but I’m not

I can touch old blankets, the sodden earth
I can touch this useless pile of cement
But there just isn’t love ablaze anymore
On its tiled linoleum hearth.