my life = fail

  right. i need to get my game on. i’m not being pessimistic at all. it’s true. ;_; i guess writing this blog entry becomes an outlet of what i really think. because i have learned that i can’t trust my self to leave my thoughts inside my mind at all. i need something concrete. something i can look back too. something like this.

  so, on we go.

  this past sem, i haven’t done anything productive at all. which sucks. of course there’s no one to blame but me. HAHA. like i care. and that’s the big problem. I DON’T. OAO pleeeeease hit me naaawww.

  i need to start everything NOW. not tomorrow. not the day after that. not the week after that [which is the final exams after all].

  -now i’m being distracted by this shitty primetime program-

  HELP ME.

._. 8D :]]

  i’ve decided to ignore everything. that’s the last time i’m gonna cry.

  i feel guilty that i can’t feel even an ounce of sympathy for him. everything that happened made me cold. i don’t think i could ever believe anything he says until i see some actual change. i know it’s unfair, but i can’t afford to let this happen ever again.

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  anyway, i’m getting ready now because i’ll be leaving for manda. it’s tita sue’s birthday.

  FINALLY, some happeh tiem. 8D

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  then tomorrow yay for nathan’s birthday parteh. i’m gonna see my friends agaaaain. *jumps around*

byes. :3

still sick

    darn it. i have the flu.

    god, why?? TAT

    i need to get better by tomorrow. aside from school, i have to go to my cousin’s birthday party.

     mkay. i’m at it again..  the “there-are-more-important-things-than-myself” attitude.

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    i’ve been listening to panic at the disco a lot lately. why? i dunno. lol.

kay. i’m spamming my own blog. hahahaha.

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    maybe i’m addicted to paracetamol na.

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    i don’t know how i’m gonna make it on monday.. kasi nman bat pa ginawang monday yung program. gusto ko manood.  T-T

i’m not home

Grass unkempt, tall and tangledThe yard path damp and cracked
Walking across a yard so sodden and scarred
Makes it feel not at all familiar

Under the sun we used to play
Under the stars, awestruck, we lay
The smell of blossoms bathed the air
Now stench fills my lungs that I can’t bear

I knock softly at the peeling door
Although, knowingly, there’s not someone who’d answer
There’s not someone for whom I’m there
So I turn the sad cold knob with a shudder

The hall is all dark and unhappy
If possible, colder than it already is outside
With a glance memories pour, emotions unbind
Knees weak I take a step further..

Up the steps one, two, three
The old battered stairs sing creaks
My legs feel heavier, every step I take
I somehow feel my heart will break

Entering this old room I knew so well
I remember how sunlight used to dance
But now all that’s left is thick dust
Then I hear mama singing her song again

I look around to see nothing
It was nothing but nothing at all
They’ve all gone into none being
Away from me, away from everything

I went home to find tears
Instead of love that I lost long since
The thought dawned, how horrible it was
I went home but I’m not

I can touch old blankets, the sodden earth
I can touch this useless pile of cement
But there just isn’t love ablaze anymore
On its tiled linoleum hearth.

medical examination of doom

completely forgot that today was my physical exam for plm.. i woke up with my mother standing at our room door yelling at me to wake up. it went like: “Kanina pa kita ginigising, hindi ka pa nag-aalmusal. 10 ang schedule mo, anong oras na..”

I woke up but still had my eyes half closed.. Even while going down stairs.. Then i blindly walked to he bathroom.. Then my mother started yelling at me again “Bilisan mo nga maligo- blah blah blah”.

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At plm i’m about to get done with everything then the nurse asked me to step into the last room. The nurse asked me to sign my name together with some other details then he pointed at a chair. I sat down then i saw a box of syringes, a jar of cotton balls and a rather large bottle of alcohol. I didn’t know they did vaccine shots too..

When i went out, my mother saw the cotton ball i was holding. She asked me what kind of shots they gave me. I honestly had no idea. Then she said i should have asked just to know. Then i told her not to worry unless i drop dead on the street while we head home..

finally she asked what it was, they told her it was “RMM”. oh great now i know what it’s CALLED.

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onga pla ika.. pang-apat na account ko na to.. ) gusto mo hanapin yun iba? )